Half done, with some stress....

At least he isn't stressed, heck, he's hanging out with a pretty girl....

You know this deployment is really starting to suck! 

For some strange reason I feel like I'm doing it all, and people give me excuses for not helping, but are more than happy to reap the benifits of all my hard work... 

SO I plan on doing just what my husband and besti (Allie) suggested, literally just taking a step back and doing the bare minimal. 

I mean if others can do that and get away with it, why not me.... Need to stop being an over achiever and allowing the stress get to me. 

On the plus side, My husband is in a better location in Afghanistan, which means more regular calls and emails. And I love being able to talk/vent to him. He always knows just what to say.

Our son is starting to really get into a routine, but mostly spending his time hanging out with pretty girls ;)

He knows his daddy will be home soon. He still has his cry moments of "I miss daddy", but he doesn't cry as long... 

Life, it will be so bad ass when my husband gets home.

Our love song

This is our love song. He chose it and made me realize just how special this love is... 

I listen to it at least five days a week, helps me to stay strong and focused on us. 

To really love a woman, to understand her
You gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought, see every dream
An' give her wings when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her, that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
'Cuz she needs somebody
To tell her that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
Really, really ever loved a woman?
Yeah

To really love a woman, let her hold you
Til' you know how she needs to be touched
You've gotta breathe her, really taste her
Til' you can feel her in your blood
An' when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
'Cuz she needs somebody
To tell her that you'll always be together
So tell me have you ever really
Really, really ever loved a woman?

Oh
You've got to give her some faith, hold her tight
A little tenderness, you gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, takin' good care of you
You really gotta love your woman, ya

And when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
'Cuz she needs somebody
To tell her that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
Really, really ever loved a woman?
Yeah

Just tell me have you ever really
Really, really, ever loved a woman?
Oh
Just tell me have you ever really
Really, really, ever loved a woman?

He asked me to dance....

My husband....

He doesn't dance... One of the first things we talked about during our first date. 

But I'll never forget the day before he asked me to marry him he asked me to dance to a song that would later become our song: "Have you ever really loved a woman?"

We slowed dance right there in the middle of the living room.

That very thing has become the thing that makes me fall back in love with him each and every time...

We slow dance, a lot, not to be cheesy, but to feel each other as we do.

It's beautiful... and I miss it

Every time I stare at my empty living room floor I think, "I could be slow dancing with him right now..."

I truly feel that this tradtion is what seperates us as a couple...

We understand that we need to "feel" each other, not in a sexual matter, but more so in a physical way

I can't wait to slow in his arms again

I miss him....

During our regular date nights... He asked me to dance....

COLOR RUN!!

Oh yea, 5K son!!

I've never been so excited for a run in my life. Not just cause they throw color powder and paint at you as you run (ok a large amount of the excitement is due to this fact) but because it allows me to refocus on something other than counting down the weeks for Davids return, or the next memorial....

You see, all I have to usually look forward to are really depressing things, So when this came up I jumped on it! Heck, I'm wearing a tutu during the whole thing :)

I just want a picture of myself really smiling, not just a polite smile but a "I'm so freakin happy to be here" smile. So if this is what will make that happen, lets do it.... and pray I don't pass out before I reach the finish line

Passion

I was asked a great question from a good friend today, "One word to describe your marriage/relationship?"

Passion

We had it from the moment we laid eyes on each other. We felt it deep inside of ourselves when we saw one another....

We love eachother with this very strong sensation... 

We fight for this relationship with the same sensation...

It is the driving force behind us marrying in 11 days

It's still the driving force behind each email, letter, post, and thought

We are on our way to being married 5 years, and its a beautiful/passionate thing(:

Soccer Camp... and his Dad...

His coach has a British Accent... I was confused too lol

Let's be honest... 

As I was getting him ready for soccer camp (shirt, shorts, shin guards, socks, and shoes) he looks up at me with those brown eyes and says, "Daddy gonna be proud huh?" 

*Take a deep breath*

I say, "Yes son, he thinks you'll be amazing and fast..."

He looks down at his shoes and says, "I run fast like he teach me!"

*Bit your lip, hold it together*

I say, "Yes, and kick hard..."

"Ok momma, take pictures, Daddy need to see me." 

I went to David's FB page today as I was getting ready to write this... Saw this cute little quote on his quote section...

"Two things a child never forgets.
A mothers voice, and a Fathers embrace."

amen

Guitar Sessions

As I was paying bills on the computer I noticed our son playing with one of his daddy's guitars. I asked him what he was doing, he says "Practice play daddy guitar." I said, "sounds good son." He looks at me without a bit of hesitation and says, "Daddy gonna like it" 

Do I cry or laugh??

How about both...

8Weeks since that man left to become a "superhero"

Too heavy to lift

Happy Father's Day David!!!

Happy Father's Day My love.

The first picture of you holding your best friend

 David,
I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be blessed with such an amzing man in my life. But the biggest surprise and blessing was finding out that this man I love with everything in me was made to be a Father.

From the moment we decided to create a life you supported me through it all. Holding my hair during the first four months of me vomiting (morning sickness) to the months we were worried I would lose our son due to lack of weight gain. (never eaten so much steak in my life) You were there for us through it all. 

Felt like that belly wasn't really mine but yours:)

How many pictures did we take of me looking like a pickle?? lol

The day we left the hospital... what I saw?  Pure Pride

 After our little man came out something in those blue eyes shifted. You became stronger and sexier ;) Heck, as we were walking out to the jeep you were just about ready to tackle anyone that looked at you or your son the wrong way lol

The moment I realized you would own a gun in the near future to protect what was "yours" lol

 But as time went by and the first of many deployments began, I quickly realized that you were totally HANDS ON!! When I mean hands on I mean, you come from a crazy deployment in a hostile environment for RnR and took the time to change ALL the diapers while home just so you can feel/say you tried to be apart of it all :) Even if they were pretty bad lol

THE picture when it became bad lol

 Wanna know the picture that kept me going through our first deployment??? The one below this.... It reminded me that you had more than just myself to love and come home to, you had a tiny person who raised his head and stared right back at you with a smile, who didn't care what you had to do, just as long as you came home to him....

Two days old

 Birthdays came and went and ya'll became even more best of buds... I mean hell, Saturdays and Sundays were basically days for "Daddy and Son to destroy mommas house so she can clean on Monday" Days lol

 That little boy adores you. Plain and simple. He knows where you are, may not pronounce it right, but knows. He knows that you are a super hero, and that you WILL be home soon. He kisses your picture every night baby.... Hasn't missed a day yet....

One of many kisses

 I need you baby... But that little boy needs you more. Who else will teach him how to drive, what kind a girl to flirt with, how to be a gentlemen, and how to tackle :)

I must say that's just about perfect.

Happy Father's Day my love. You are an amazing Father and Man, because only a Man can raise such a great boy. We love you so much. Come home to me and your little man.

FRG Leader

Yea, you read that right.

I'm my husbands company's FRG leader.

Lord, its busy/hard to be one. I was offered the position after the current FRG leader's husband was moved to a different company. Honestly,I didn't know why I was offered it. I mean I did volunteer a lot but I'm Enlisted. (Military wives will totally understand what I'm trying to say by saying that) So I said yes. And oddly enough I do enjoy it. I do love the multi tasking, organizing, and interacting with families and spouses. But the over all down side to it is that I listen/help them with their issues, but as they begin to mount I do feel the added pressure to help, but no one is there to really listen to my problems. (Besides my bestie Allie:)

I feel a certain level of pride and responsibility  to my families. 

I go above and beyond when I can. I fight for them when they ask me to (sometimes when they don't). And try my hardest to keep them as informed as possible. I seriously got lucky with the women I work with. I was blessed with five amazing POCs and to tell you the truth they are the reason our company looks so good.
I do this all for my husband. 

He's my rock, and where ever I can help I'm there. And this was a position that needed someone like me (OCD) lol

16 days and counting...

It's been 16 days since I last heard from my husband...

And every morning I get to hear from other wives that heard from their husbands all over FB and emails...

Look, I'm happy for them (no really I am)

But dang! Throw me a freakin bone here!!!

Time in its own weird way is flying by, but I just need a message, skype, or phone call people

I bet what's going on is that he is letting everyone go first then him....really?!? Jeez...

Love that man either way, but get your butt to a freakin phone buddy! lol

Saints Bedding

That face is the face of a happy boy

Well, our son's new bedding came in the other day, and when it was put on the bed he wanted to "go to sleep!" 

I had to explain to him that bed time was a little later. As I began to clean up the room I heard some noise and it was our son getting into bed and making the "snoring" sound with his eyes closed....

So I closed the door and let him take a hour nap :)

Appreciation

I learned to have a greater appreciation for the lack of stress in my life.

I mean I'm the FRG leader for my husband's company and believe me it isn't stress-free

I just decided not to allow it to affect me too much. The reason? Well, I don't have bullets being shot at me, or sleep in a billion degree tent with a large group of sweaty men, or have to eat MRE's for the next 60-90 days. OH! Did I forget to mention the very important fact that I get to shower every day?! 

My husband is my super hero, but hell, even captain America got to shower everyday.... 

Lord, this deployment will be hard, not really for me when I really compare and contrast. All I seriously have to deal with are crying wives, mom's that won't mind their own business, and the endless sea of meetings.... 

I think I'll be ok

But the worry is for sure a BITCH PAIN!

First 24 hours...

Walking toward the buses...

That feeling and image will forever be seared into my brain.

The moment you hug and kiss the one person who makes you feel "super human" goes far away to a place that reminds you and them that they are just human....

It's scary, and makes you feel helpless. I need that man, not just for myself but for the small hand he holds in the picture. 

He asked about his daddy today... I reminded him of the bus and he continued with "he's in Af-ban-is-ban" , I smiled and said yes.

9 months

Seems short compared to a year but just as hard, if not harder... Please Pray for us, we need it.

...Strength...

What is Strength?? 

Is it being able to wipe away tears before anyone notices??

Is it being able to comfort a child with hugs and kisses knowing you need the same??

Is it feeling alone even though you have a support system just a call away and not call??

Or is it being able to look into the mirror and smile at your self and say, "today I'll try harder to laugh" 

Strength is hard to "define".... but each day I find it easier to feel....

Sweaty Hands

The last four to six days have been nothing but nerves and worry.

I've been noticing FB posts and Blog posts of wives stating (teary eyed) that their husbands left that morning. I know some, not all of them, and understand their worry and fears as they post them. Imagine hugging the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with, then letting go.... not KNOWING they will return safely or in the same sate you last saw them. 

I'm a morning person, but these last few weeks I dread them. It feels like I'm on death row, and my day is coming up. (no, never been to prison) I try not to think about it, but its hard. Every kiss feels so desperate from both sides. Every hug seems a few seconds longer. Every Picture we feel the need to smile even harder...

So, in a few days I'll be on here pouring my heart and soul into this blog on how it felt to hug, kiss, and say I love you to someone I won't physically be holding, kissing, and loving on for the next 9 months.

 Pray for us, cause it will be a hard week.

4 years of Happy

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY DAVID:)

The first Picture I ever took of him.

Today is our 4 year anniversary. Yea, I know right, its a little surprising for us too! When you are truly happy and laugh a lot of the time you don't notice the time that flies by. That man you see pouring a glass of wine would in a short 9 days would be my husband. He took me on a picnic for our first date. He was sweet, funny (as funny as Germans can be) smart, and in a odd way familiar.

 Something we talk about all the time around this time of year is how much our hearts knew one another. When he walked into that room, I swear my heart just about stopped a few beats. He said when I smiled his did too. 

Marriage isn't easy, but being married to him is. Not to say we don't have our moments. I mean come on, I'm Black/Spanish and he's German lol But man is it worth it at the end of the day ;) 

I love him.

That's all I can say, he's everything and more that I've ever wanted in a friend, lover, partner, and dad to my son. I look forward to many years of cheesiness, awkward moments, and glasses of wine.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MY LOVE.

I'm cheap...

This woman right here needs a new camera.

I have this sad excuse for a camera and the poor thing is about done. I see all my friends and family take such beautiful and focused pictures, but when they see my pictures they think to themselves..."is that a finger or bird?" Yup, my pictures usually are either out of focus, and finger got in the way, or wasn't timed properly cause my camera decides to flash and then take the picture when it's good and ready...

But my biggest problem is that I'm cheap! Cameras now days are expensive! I want a really nice one that will last me a long time, but dang. I hate looking for one cause I get upset when the guy behind the counter gives me the "I know you got money, quit being cheap" look after I ask how much it is...

How much time will I serve if I steal one?? lol  

Slow down

I don't think I can say that enough.

All I want is for time to slow down, even just a bit. I wake each morning with a smile on my face cause I see those blue eyes look back at me but then I grimace knowing that another day just came and went. David continues to reassure me saying that everything is fine, and to try to enjoy the time we have left together. I'll be honest: I do smile and say "ok" but when he isn't in the room I do one of those zone-out moments and think.... and when I think its usually not a good thing I know how that sounded... but when he walks back in I smile, kiss him, and take another picture. Yes, I've been taking pictures like crazy again, but I promise not to frame them all.

 just a few(:

Summer Please?!

Summer 2011:)

I thought I'd never say this, but man do I miss summer! The state of WA is my type of whether pattern. I love cloudy, rainy, and foggy... (I'm odd I know). I personally don't enjoy suntan lines and the sun in general. I HATE bugs and being hot, but when your kid looks this happy and relaxed with a bottle of water, shorts, and sandals you can't help but miss it. I'll just invest in sunblock, sunglasses, long sleeve shirts, and possibly an umbrella. Lets do this!!

DEPLOYMENTS

We made it through our first deployment...

The countdown has officially started. Just a few short weeks, the man that I call "honey" "babe" "Snaily" and many other nicknames is about to leave for another deployment. The first one was rough. I just had a baby, and was terribly alone. Husband got shot at every other day, Had his striker blow up on him three different times, and saw things that he still can't talk about. 

I'm scared... really scared... but its hard to talk about it with him. He has so much on his mind to get done that the last thing I want to do is put my stress and worry on him. I want him to come home safely. He's the strongest person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, but I know I can be just as strong. He just happens to be the glue of this family, the calm one, the person we look forward to seeing walking through that door. We can do it, just don't want to. 

It amazes me that we are a happy couple/family. The Army has a sick sense of humor. We happen to be a couple that rarely argues, has a good time, enjoys each others company, and overall has a connection that works. Yet here we are about to be separated. Then there are couples that argue every day, publicly say negative things about the other, yell, cry, threaten to divorce every other month, but they get to stay together as a family for long stretches of time (I'm talking years here) I don't want to judge other couples, but its hard not to when on FB all you see is the dirty laundry they don't mind sharing...

Everyday he comes home, more and more "items" are brought home to pack and prep. I just smile and give him kisses cause we have this odd understanding of what it all means. We don't need to say much, just glance at each other. And when our son gets into some of the equipment, I can see on my husband's face that it hurts him to know that time is winding down and our son has no clue. Damn.... it really sucks... I keep telling myself to wake up each day and try my best to enjoy it, smile, and kiss him. Hug him as hard as I can. Tell him I love him, that I need him, and want him near me...

Rehab?

I have a "small" addiction to two things.

                                          1.Frames...

I love taking pictures, and when you have two awfully good looking members of your family that happen to photograph extremely well, then hell, take pictures! Not only am I overly taking pictures I LOVE to frame them. I enjoy dusting and seeing those faces look back at me. I kinda like to look at the pictures during commercials too. (sounds a little odd, but whatever) I'm Positive I'm not the only "housewife" and/or "momma" who has this slight addiction.

        2. Scarves...

Look, scarves are an amazing piece of clothing. Think about it. They keep you warm. Can compliment an outfit. Cover up a ketchup stain. Make you "look" thinner. Sorta pull off a classy look. Great for a pop of color.

The reason it turned into an addiction is based on what my husband says. Apparently wearing them in the house is a problem. I have a strong case in defending myself on that. My husband will safe money in anyway he can. And one BIG way he saves money is by freezing my butt off. So scarves at home seems justified...

Doors...my worst enemy

I'm clumsy... I have no shame in admitting that. But when I know that a week will turn out great just based on how hard I hit a door should be a sign to me, family, and friends that I may have a problem.  It's not like this is a first time type of occurrence. I've been running into doors as early as I can remember. I think it started out as a "seeing" issue, I hated to wear my glasses, so I didn't...*BAM* that's me hitting one of many doors. Then it slowly became a not "looking" where I was going issue. I LOVE to read, I LOVE to read and walk... *BAM* that's another door. Finally it turned into a different monster with the birth of our son. He finds it extremely entertaining to have a clumsy momma. When he learned to walk the first thing he learned to do along with walking is close doors. He closes them just to see if I'll run into them...*BAM* so yea.... the highlight of my day was running into a door, again, and hard :) HAPPY MONDAY!

Let's talk about WEIGHT baby

Oh to be 19 again....

 The girl above was me during a beautiful time. I was newly married and trying for a baby. 5'5 130 lbs:) I didn't really work out, besides a run here and there, and  I could put away a medium pizza without trying. I didn't know it at the time, but I would regret not taking advantage of those simple joys.

no, I wasn't carrying twins mom...180lbs

 During my pregnancy we had a few scares, wasn't putting on enough weight, and may lose the baby a few times. So as you can see, my husband made it his mission to feed me steak and potatoes lol When we went to pick up my mother from the airport for the birth, she shouted out from across the tarmac "Michelle! Are you having twins?,! You are huge!" Not only was I embarrassed (thanks ma) but hurt as well. You see, my nickname growing up was "Flaca" which means "skinny" in Spanish. I realized with that simple statement that not only would weight loss be hard, but I knew things would NEVER be the same. I was scared. This picture was taken the day before he was born, looking back on it I had a reason to worry.

 

Three months old, nursing, and depressed....

That tiny person was my reason to live and wake each and every day. My husband left two month prior for Afghanistan. I was ALONE, Nursing every 2 hours, and couldn't look at my self in the mirror. But I felt calm and collected when I held him, kissed him, and smelled my small package of joy. I knew I would eventually get through it. I didn't leave the house. I stay just in case I got a call, email, or IM. It was hard, but my sole focus was my husband and snack size version of my husband. I stayed at 160lbs...

Our first Thanksgiving as a family...

That smile you see was genuine. My king, best friend, and lover was behind that camera. He was in one piece, smiling, and giggling cause our son was on his leg. When he arrived home he said I was beautiful. He made me feel as if I could weigh (literally) a ton and love me the same. He wanted me happy and healthy, plain and simple.  I realized I wasn't just his wife I was the mother of HIS son. I didn't want to lose weight for him or for anyone. Just for myself.

Today:

As for today, I work out four to five times a week, I'm not where I would love to be, but I just want to be able to outrun Zombies if the world does come to an end at the end of this year. My husband still calls me beautiful (and other perverted things) and he taught our son to call me "pweety" lol I feel good, and happy. 15lbs left to go. I can do it:) plus there's a Military Ball coming up that I want to rock at :D 

11 days, that was it

So since this is my first post I figured I should explain why you'll be seeing the number 11 alot. 11 is our family number. From the day I met my husband to the day we got married it was 11 days. Yes, I know what you are most likely thinking, "WHAT?!" "WHY?" well, when I saw him for the first time while I was working at blockbuster, I got really nervous, sweaty, and nauseous. Not the best sign that my soul mate was near, but it was a sign none the less. He was gorgeous. Bright Blue eyes, neat hair cut, great teeth, and smelled great. Found out quickly he was in the Army, and loved it. We talked on the phone the next day for 5 hours, he asked me out on a date so the following day he took me to a picnic.

Our first date Picture
Vernon Lake









He asked me to marry him 6 days from then. That Monday I said yes. Yes to love, honor, respect, and just plain romance. Best decision either of us made.

11 isn't magical. We don't make large family decisions based on that number (or any for that matter) but we understand that 11 days to fall in love is special and highly unlikely to ever happen again.

WE MADE THE CHOICE
When we married I was on birth control (happily on it). But when my husband found out he was going to be stationed to WA state and the exact unit, then to find out that they were about to deploy during a very hostile time in Afghanistan we had to sit down and talk. My husband isn't very emotional, but when he spoke to me about his fears and worries on the topic of not returning, I knew what he was going to ask me. He wanted a child. After a week of thinking, praying, and planning we made the choice to try. Then, 9 weeks later it happened:)


The Pregnancy wasn't easy. Heart burn, nausea, and weight gain (80lbs!). Then to top it off the move. We DROVE from Louisiana to Washington state! Yup, six months preggo and miserable. But on June 1st 2009 this small person managed to make a 5'11 200lb man sob in a rocking chair while holding him. We became parents. Christian- 9lbs 21inches long.